OK, I'm not normally a believer in the doomsday shit. People have been predicting the end of the world for a long time, and it's never happened. Thus far. But,
Just because the apocalypse hasn't happened YET, doesn't mean it never will.
So, we've got that going for us. Plus, what qualifies as apocalyptic? I mean, if you lived on the coast of Japan, the giant eartquake + tsunami + nuclear disaster that happened earlier this year would appear to qualify. If it's apocalyptic to YOU, does it count? Is it not apocalyptic because it didn't happen to the entire PLANET?
Thanks to the global media we "enjoy" these days, we know that really terrible shit happens on a fairly regular basis around the world. A disaster can strike anywhere. So, should we not be worried about "the end of the world" just because it sounds crazy?
People who stockpile supplies and take other preparedness measures often look like nutters to others... and maybe they are, because they're anticipating a zombie outbreak or other such mayhem. But they're the ones who are prepared when the more commonplace disasters strike...like what happened to the Northeast this past weekend.
It certainly wasn't really a "disaster" as far as disasters go, in my opinion... it was more like the Great Inconvenience of 2011. But it was pretty damn impressive, as far as inconveniencing goes. I live in Western Massachusetts, and the storm we had was unprecedented. First of all, it happened BEFORE HALLOWEEN. Holy shit. I mean, I've lived here my whole life and we've maybe had a run-in with some pre-halloween snow once or twice before... but it was more along the lines of flurries, or maybe a coating.
The storm we had last weekend dumped approximately eight inches of snow in my town, and up to 20 inches in the higher elevations. Are you joking, weather? WTF?
This weird early storm arrived amidst a few factors that made it particularly bad:
1. Due to an unusually warm fall, the leaves started turning very late, and a lot hadn't dropped from the trees. So the branches were unseasonably heavy.
2. The snow was really wet and heavy, weighing down the branches even more.
3. The ground was not yet frozen, so the soil was still soft. Due to an unusually wet spring, summer and fall, the ground was SUPER soft. So trees toppled easily.
This meant a LOT of branches snapped off, and a lot of trees uprooted completely.
So a crapload of power lines got taken down. EVERYWHERE. This knocked out power to a really huge region, for a very long time. I've lived in this town my whole life, basically, and have never lost power for more than a few hours. This time, we were out for a few DAYS, and there are still lots of people waiting for the electricity to come back on.
No electricity means no heat for most people (even oil furnaces need electricity to start up), and no running water for lots (those who have wells have pumps that run on electricity.) For many, it meant no phones, either because their phone now run essentially over the internet ( like if you have a cable TV bundle), or because like our office, the phones are landlines but the interoffice phone exchange system needs electricity to route calls.
No electricity meant the banks closed, and the ATMS didn't work. Some stores were open but of course credit/debit didn't work, so stores could accept cash only. So, everyone needed cash but couldn't get it.
Basically, everyone was just shit out of luck. It's been interesting.
So, without further ado: a few snippets of stories from the Great Power Outage of 2011.
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Caulk Adventures
It was Saturday afternoon. It had only just begun snowing. I didn't think it was a big deal and figured it would be a long time until it got nasty on the roads, so I decided to make a trip to Walmart to buy some weatherizing supplies, like caulk. I love caulk. I also love saying "I love caulk." The jokes are never-ending!
I'm really good at handling caulk. In our last house, you wouldn't believe what I achieved with caulk. I filled many holes large and small. In one spot I basically fashioned a fake piece of missing decorative moulding with it. I'm a fricken caulk artist.
While I was shopping for caulk, I got a text from my fiance. "Please be careful." I honestly didn't know what that meant. Perhaps I might attract the unwanted attention of men who are turned on by ladies buying caulk? Or because there were snow flurries?? I wondered if he was being facetious, because I often call or text him about bad weather and end up looking like an overbearing crazy person. I texted back, "? What makes you say that?" When I finished my caulk purchase and walked out of the store, I realized what he meant. There were already inches of wet snow on the ground! As if a Walmart parking lot isn't chaotic enough, people were running around like the sky was falling. And since people seem to forget how to drive in snow every year, it probably WAS dangerous on the roads. Great. Now MY text would look like the facetious one.
Anyways, I got home all excited to play with my new caulk. But it's been a long time since I worked with caulk. When I loaded it into the gun, I couldn't remember how to get it started. I fiddled with it for a while, with no results. When my fiance got home, I turned to him for help.
"I couldn't get anything to come out of the caulk tube. I got it ready, and I squeezed and squeezed as hard as I could, but nothing came out!" *sad face* "I feel like such a failure!"
"It's ok, honey. It can happen to anyone." He reminded me I had to punch a hole with something long like a nail. ( OK, that part doesn't really flow with the innuendo.) He asked why I had gone OUT for caulk, when I had plenty of it at home. (Indeed, I did have some in a drawer.) "I know, but I was worried I might run out. I wanted to have plenty of backup caulk. You know how I can get when I'm playing with caulk." He nodded knowingly.
Turned out my timing wasn't great, because the power went out at 8 pm. I needed light so I could see what I was doing with the caulk. I like to do things right.
The power didn't come back on for three days. It got crazy cold in the house. I had never gotten a chance to plug all my holes with caulk. If only I had gotten the caulk out earlier, we would have both been more comfortable and happy in the ensuing crisis. It drove me crazy. I hate getting caulk-blocked.
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Is this what the zombie apocalypse will be like?
OK, so we got some snow. Big deal. Power is out. Allright, don't like that much, but it's okay. Sure, it's friggen pitch black, but candles are romantic. Let's pretend we're in the 1800's and like, read a book or something.
The thing that bothered me was the SOUNDS. First of all, in a power outage you're bathed in an uncomfortable, unfamiliar silence. No TV is blaring anywhere in the house. No music. Not even the familiar background sounds of your computer or refrigerator running. Just dead silence.
I'm used to hearing the house creak. It's old. I'm also used to hearing things like snow sliding off the roof in the winter.
But during this storm, there were really odd sounds going on. I went outside to let the dogs out, and it was fucking freaky out there. All the trees were bending under the weight of the heavy, wet snow. The absolute silence was punctuated frequently with ominous groans and moans of the trees flexing. Then there would be an eerie CCCCCRRRACK somewhere off the distance as a branch was breaking, and sometimes a SNAP! as something broke off.
Adding to this was the fact that everything was unusually dark outside, of course. No streetlights, no faint glow from other houses. I looked up and could see more stars than I ever had. The outages were so widespread there was no light pollution from nearby cities. The moon was cold and brilliant.
It was too creepy outside so I went back in. I could still hear these sounds from in the house, but there were even scarier sounds to be heard from inside. Smaller branches were snapping off and hitting the roof or sides of the house, creating unsettling THUMPS. The thumps were indistinct; was that one a branch, or was it a burglar? A monster? A zombie? Sometimes there was no audible thump, but the house would rattle or vibrate. With no internet and no TV, how was I to know what was really going on out there in the big bad world? There COULD have been a lot of things happening: widespread breakdown of society, terrorist attack, or a zombie outbreak....and I was just sitting there like an idiot, trying to stay calm and read a book, hoping those weird sounds were just... natural. Somehow I think that WOULD be how things go down for me in a real life apocalyptic situation. There will be some huge terrifying problem raging out there, and I'll just be sitting around in the house reading The Oatmeal until it's too late. I never seem to be in the loop.
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My god, people are dumb
Apparently, there are lot of people who don't realize that having no power means that your debit card won't work. Can't work. Won't possibly work.
I'm not an expert in technology, or in banking systems, but I have a rudimentary understanding of how a debit/credit transaction goes down. And I understand that it requires electricity to happen.
Even in the midst of the widespread power outages, there were some stores that chose to open regardless. The clerks worked in dark conditions, with handheld calculators. I thought this was nice, but my warm fuzzy feelings were repeatedly crushed by the reality of the alarmingly high percentage of customers who were genuinely surprised and confused upon learning that the store was taking cash only.
One such exchange I witnessed was at a little package store . (Hey, we weren't going to have anything better to do that night, right?)
It was SO OBVIOUS that the store didn't have power. None of its myriad neon beer logo lights were on. The door was wide open to let in a little light, but still, it was pretty dark in there. I was squinting to read wine bottle labels. There was no hum of the refrigeration units.
I got in line, and the guy in front of me acted genuinely surprised when he learned he couldn't use his debit card.
Guy: "Oh, really?! Cash only??"
Clerk: "Um, yeah. No power, dude."
Guy: "Oh, boy. Huh.... oh, wait! Hold on, hold on a second, let's see here..." He started rummaging through his pants and wallet. I thought he was remembering that he did indeed have some cash.
Guy: "Here we go! Will this work?"
HE WAS HOLDING OUT HIS DRIVER'S LICENSE. Which was half chewed through, by a dog I'm guessing.
Umm.... yeah. Cause you know, I pay for things all the time with my driver's license. ?!? Seriously? What is this guy thinking?
Clerk: "........" He didn't really know what to make of it. He muttered something along the lines of "no, that won't work either." I imagine he was stifling snarky snickers.
Guy: "Oh, well then.... can I owe you?"
Really? Do you really need that case of Coors Light that badly? You couldn't ask a buddy to buy it? Or *gasp* write a check? You remember checks, they're those pieces of paper you write that promise you have money, just not on you at the moment. Those are generally an acceptable form of IOU. Have you just crawled out from underneath a rock and have no clue that the ENTIRE REGION has had no electricity for almost 24 hours and is not forecasted to get it back for several more days? HOW DO YOU THINK DEBIT WORKS? Black magic? How does your license "work" as a form of payment? Not all pieces of wallet-sized plastic cards are created equally, buddy.
I was embarrassed for the guy. I couldn't imagine walking into a package store and asking if I can pay with an IOU. I would rather wear a shirt that says "I'm a Deadbeat Alcoholic. But I'll totally pay you back, bro, I swear."
To my amazement, the clerk DID agree that he could "owe him"! He got out a piece of paper, wrote down the guy's info from his license and let him walk out with his precious crappy beer.
If the guy was dumb enough that he didn't realize debit won't work in a power outage and then thinks his license would "work" as a form of payment, I personally wouldn't trust him to be capable of remembering to come back to pay. But that's just me. I could be wrong. Maybe he went back already and settled up and is a super nice guy. Maybe he's my goddamn long lost brother, or even my soulmate! Maybe I have a toxic paradigm and assume the worst in people. Maybe I'm... oh, nevermind.
I was silently weeping for our society's intellectual decline, and simultaneously heartwarmed by the gracious act of small-town trust.
Then I noticed the guy get into the giant shiny SUV that was parked next to my tiny toaster-on-wheels, and wondered if he was not in fact stupid, but a thieving asshole. Or perhaps he was neither, but he just doesn't expend his mental energy thinking about things like "how stuff works" or "why should I care." I encounter people all the time who seem to just float through life expecting stuff to be handed to them simply because they are alive, and surprisingly, they often get what exactly what they expect.
It makes me suspect that I'm going about things all wrong.
