I don't recall having any violent or strange dreams last night. I did have a dream, however, that I was riding my favorite horse of all time, the horse I rode nearly 20 years ago now. I woke up feeling bittersweet. It was a lovely dream, but I also miss that horse dearly, and his memory still haunts me in a heartbreaking way.

Today I went to a party. I was only mildly successful in socializing. There was an old friend there. Or maybe you'd call him an acquaintance. I don't know, I spent more than one drunken night with him and sometimes in intimate settings. (Meaning, not very many people.) I can't say I ever got to know him exceedingly well, but I always liked him. He's a fun, likeable guy. For the last couple of years, whenever I run into him, I still feel comfortable around him, but I think he doesn't feel comfortable around me. I don't know why. He's polite and chats a bit but then he always finds an excuse to scoot away. I feel like he's avoiding me. It could be one of two things, I believe. 1.) Every time we hung out before, he was pretty blitzed. Since then he's sobered up a bit and quit smoking cigs. So maybe the situations I've encountered him in, he's just not as liquored up as he used to be, and is more socially awkward than I remember. Or 2.) I've somehow offended him in some way. Apparently, I am REALLY GOOD at accidentally offending people. Which is pretty ironic because I am so painfully self-conscious and always trying too hard not to do/say the wrong thing. Often I don't even find out about my accidental offenses until months or years later. Or never.

And of course one of our buddies who's all into kids tried to talk us into having some of our own. "These things are great!" That's his whole argument. He'd been carrying around someone else's kid in his arms for like two hours and the child had been completely silent the entire time, practically comatose. The thing started wailing the second he got near me. For a moment I thought my friend was going to try to hand me the kid and I involuntarily flinched.

Other than that it was the usual horseshoes, beers and leftover food. (We make it a point to be ultra-fashionably late.)

Is it bad if you don't feel like you've "gotten started" until the 5th beer?

Essentially I got nothing done today whatsoever.