Stupid is as stupid does

Have you ever amazed yourself with your own staggering level of stupidity?

I have terrible social skills, so the following scenario often happens to me.

I'm in a social situation.  Things seem to be going really well.  Everyone is laughing and having a good time.  I'm going with the flow.  Then at some point, some very small warning light goes off in my head.

Something may be amiss, it says.  Analyzing.  Analyzing.

Much later, perhaps hours, days, or even years later, my brain has had enough time to process the data, and finally returns a result, which reads something like

Dear Self:  You are an inconsiderate moron!!!

And when the light dawns upon the situation, I realize with horror that I said something really, really stupid, or offensive, or inappropriate, or just plain dumb.  Suddenly I understand details of the context and relationships of the people present and the manner of my delivery and I get it.  I suddenly get that I came off like a horrible person.  I am dumbfounded that I couldn't recognize it before I made the faux pas, or immediately after.

Honest to God, I just figured out the other day why someone didn't like me... 16 years ago.  I realized I was a total bitch to her and didn't even realize I had come off that way.   Until just now.

Oftentimes my flubs are just borderline enough that people don't point them out.  They're not like 'whoa! dude!"  Or perhaps they realize that I'm a bit 'special' and recognize I meant no harm by it.  Or maybe they're just way more fucking polite than I am.

I don't mean to offend.  Yet I do.  I inadvertently offend people all the time.

I am painfully self-conscious, which means I am also hopelessly self-centered. I often fail to consider other people's feelings, intentions, needs, etc. because I am so focused on trying to act correctly.