I've become increasingly sensitive to the fact that women are always judged on their appearance. Always. No matter what their vocation, no matter how irrelevant their looks are to their job, certain people will bring up their appearance. This is not often done to men. This is a double standard that is so common in our society, so insidious that it often goes unnoticed.
There are certain jobs where women are almost universally expected to be attractive, such as model, actress or pop star. For example, Lady Gaga can't seem to decide whether or not looks are important. She tells her fans to be themselves and love themselves and begs them not to make the mistakes she did (such as doing drugs), but sometimes seems to forget these directives entirely, tweeting comments like "pop stars don't eat". According to her tour rider, she eats healthy, and she works out every day, and admitted to Howard Stern that she feels pressure to look a certain way although she doesn't think everyone needs to do that. She defended Adele amidst comments about the singer's weight.
Speaking of Adele, she is unapologetic about her curves. She says she "makes music for ears, not eyes." Her weight has nothing to do with how well she writes or sings, and it certainly hasn't stopped her from creating one of the most successful albums of all time.
I admit I've been petty and judgmental. When Britney Spears showed up at the 2007 Video Music Awards for her "comeback performance", it was a trainwreck in more ways than one (awful lipsyncing, comatose expression), she was criticized for looking a little less fit than we're used to seeing her, and I didn't disagree. Even though she had a body that most moms would kill for, I did think that a "performer" of her type is expected to be VERY fit. After all, her looks and dancing are a large part of her fame. She doesn't write her own songs. She doesn't sing live. What else is there to go on? Her stylist had a corset for her to wear, but Britney refused. Obviously she thought that her body was still jaw-dropping. Many disagreed, myself included.
So I am not too mad about a high expectation of entertainment celebrities. They have the money and resources for personal trainers, personal chefs, expert hair and makeup, skin treatments, etc etc etc. I'm not shedding any tears for them. Their looks are part of the reason they're famous. No, not everyone who is an actress or entertainer is gorgeous, of course. But the ones who focus on sex appeal? Yeah, if that's what you're trying to sell, then you better be on top of your game.
But what DOES gall me is when women are criticized for their appearance when their looks have nothing to do with their job. For example:
Hillary Clinton. Our goddamn secretary of state. A very smart woman. Highly educated (Wellesley, Yale Law School) and experienced in politics and world affairs. And she's 64 years old. And criticized about her looks. She responded by saying the headlines are "really saying to all women, don't you dare step into the public sphere, we will savage you for what you look like."
Olympic athletes called fat. OK, the weightlifter gals are on the bigger side. It seems to be an advantage. They are obviously fit. Another Olympic athlete with a washboard stomach is called "fat" and "looks like a bloke."
Olympic gold medalist criticized for her natural black hair . Gabby Douglas won the women's all-around gymnastics gold medal, the most coveted prize in the sport. Apparently, that's not enough for some people. I guess they think it is more important for her to take time out of her insane training schedule to get her hair straightened. Her response was, "I just made history, and people are focused on my hair?"
Crafting an intelligent argument for contraception apparently means you're a slut and/or prostitute
OK this one has more to do with general sexism than focus on appearance, but it still got me really mad. Rush Limbaugh called a college student a prostitute after she pointed out that her college covers contraception for faculty and staff, but not for students. He says she is having so much sex that she's going broke paying for contraception and wants the taxpayer or college to foot the bill, and that equates to being paid to have sex, which equates to prostitution. I know a lot of people think Rush Limbaugh is insane, but a lot of people don't.
Man, this kind of stuff really pisses me off.
Women don't owe it to anyone to be pretty. The focus on appearance is, in my opinion, just an ugly symptom of a much deeper and more vicious hatred towards women.
I recall, years ago, watching a video produced by the Media Education Foundation, in which it was theorized that scrutiny of women's appearances have increased proportionally to the increase in women's rights and power, particularly in the workplace. In the last few decades, since the 1960's, women have gained power in their own homes, in the workplace, and in society in general. The idea is that men feel emasculated, threatened, and powerless, and they're angry about it. They can't sexually harass women, they can't order their wives around, they may have female bosses. They feel they have no legal superiority, so they resort to physical superiority. A tiny, skinny, weak woman is preferable. So as women's rights have grown, the ideal body has shrunken.
The importance placed on looks and weight is just another weapon that men use to try to subjugate women in this era where females have legal rights. It keeps women from feeling empowered. Sexist men judge all females by their appearance, no matter what their vocation: athlete, politician, activist. Their looks are irrelevant to their job and yet...certain men believe all woman owe it to them to fit into a narrow, culturally distorted definition of beauty, and if they don't, they're deemed worthless. It is a childish put-down used by people who feel threatened by powerful or smart women.
I fear that our society is sliding backwards as far as women's rights. After watching the news, I sometimes wonder if I've been teleported to a Taliban regime when I wasn't looking. There is a constant war on contraceptive availability.
I think porn has a lot to do with it. Porn seems to be generally accepted as normal. Google searches reveal tons of women expressing sadness or anger over their partner's porn use, and the vast majority of advice is "all guys do it, don't worry so much about it." Porn has always existed in some form, since people first started painting pictures and developing photography, but never has porn been so easily accessible as it today. It can be obtained instantly, for free, in total privacy. Very young boys are watching porn on their computers or phones. Is it just a coincidence that girls are worrying about their sex appeal at a younger age than ever before? On TV and in film, female objectification is everywhere, as is the marriage of sex and violence. Young boys are being trained to objectify females as purely sexual objects from a very young age.
I personally think the internet has even more blame to shoulder than just providing porn. The anonymity that the internet provides encourages people to say whatever the hell they want. I think that the tendency to be inconsiderate, mean and rude is crossing over into the real world. I have dealt with the public in various jobs over the last 15 years, so I've had a front row seat with which to observe the average rudeness of the general public. I can say without a doubt that it is definitely getting worse. People are rude, self-centered, shallow, mean, aggressive, inconsiderate of other's feelings, and incredibly self-entitled. Browse notalwaysright.com to get an idea of what I mean.
I admit, my sexist hackles are up due to an incident that occurred recently. A couple weeks ago, I took my dogs for a walk on a nice bike trail. It's in a nice town. A guy on a bike was going the opposite way, and as he passed me, he cocked his head towards me and said clearly, "Fuck you, you fucking cunt."
I whirled around and said "WHAT?"
He kept pedaling. We were the only people in sight. He was only a few feet past me at that point. I was positive he wasn't on a bluetooth or anything like that. He heard me, he just ignored me.
So I yelled "You dick!" He kept pedaling... a little slower. I was so ANGRY. What a coward! He only said such a thing because we were alone and he was on a bike, able to make a quick escape. I am emboldened with my two large dogs, so I yelled, very loudly,
"Why don't you come back here, LIKE A MAN?!"
He slowed, and started pulling over. He didn't look back. Part of me DID want him to come back, so I could scare him with my dogs (who are trained to bark on command.) Part of me also realized it might not be such a good idea to taunt this pig who obviously has some serious problem with women in general. So I yelled out a final "ASSHOLE!" and kept on walking. He went on his way after he saw me give up.
What would make someone say something like that? I understand it was probably an insult of opportunity, given the fact no one was around, I wasn't walking with a dude, and he could make a quick getaway. I can only imagine that this guy has a serious hatred of women to be compelled to say something like that to a total stranger. He did it to make me feel uncomfortable. What kind of a coward needs to boost his ego by verbally assaulting a strange woman?
This is how I feel when I hear men deride women on their appearance for no reason. They've got a weapon that goes straight to our Achilles heel. Because a lot of women ARE sensitive about their looks. We're socialized to care, we're brainwashed into believing this bullshit. Women need to stop pandering to the idea that you've got to be hot, you've got to be thin, you've got to have big boobs, you've got to wear makeup, you've got to do everything you can to look your best. Women are objectified, held up to an impossible standard, and then attacked if you don't meet that standard. Hell, even if you do meet that standard, then you're perceived to be a stupid slut.
This shit goes deep. I used to wonder, like a lot of people, why women don't leave abusive relationships. Then I realized that *I* was in an abusive relationship. Not physically, but mentally. I was in a long term relationship with someone who I finally realized was emotionally abusing me. He was an expert manipulator. He made me feel so bad about myself that I actually believed that I deserved it, and that I could never do any better than him. It was a very sick, dysfunctional relationship that I suffered in for way too long. A decade later, I'm still trying to get over some of the issues that scarred me. I just didn't know that it was abnormal, and that I deserved better. Feeling extremely insecure about my body and appearance contributed greatly to the abysmal self esteem that allowed me to be controlled.
You know when you get a new car, you suddenly notice the same make and model everywhere? That's how I feel about the insidious and pervasive focus on women's appearance. Now that it's been brought to my attention, I see it everywhere.
It's not shallow. It's sexist. It is veiled discrimination. It's sad. It's sick. We need to pay attention to this double standard and discredit it whenever we see it. There is an alarming number of people who would prefer we go back to the good ole days where women stayed in the kitchen and didn't ask a lot of questions. I would like to remind them that societies that disenfranchise women are not as successful as those in which women are educated and empowered.
It doesn't do anyone any good for women to be obsessed with their appearance to satisfy the expectations of others. I'd rather get busy being a productive member of society, thanks.
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