I have spent a lifetime wondering WHY women actually CHOOSE to let a parasitic being grow in their belly for nine months, expel itself via a life-threatening, bloody and violent ordeal, spend years in constant slavery to its every basic need, including regularly wiping liquified feces from its rear, only to have the thing get more mouthy as it gets taller, and eventually repay your incredible sacrifice by resenting you and blaming you for all of its personal problems before it leaves you.
The only two times I can see this experience as being somewhat rewarding are 1.) when they're between about 3-5 and they're being cute, and 2.) The photo op if/when they graduate college.
Despite my lifelong confusion about other's desire to procreate, as I get older (and the fertility window gets smaller) I occasionally.... rarely... see some cute kid and feel a teeny, tiny little microscopic pang of.... something. Not sure what. Indigestion? Fear? Loathing? Desire? Jealousy? A little pre-programmed line of code in my monkey DNA that says "go home right now and have unprotected sex"?
Since I have yet to experience a mini-human exploding out of my nether regions, I cannot fully comprehend motherhood. Once in a while, it seems like a good idea in a dreamy, far-off, romanticized kind of way.
Then, my dogs eats an entire stick of butter and I am reminded that I am not a fit parent to animals, never mind potential human beings.
I love my dogs. I love most animals in general. I believe that if you CHOOSE to become a pet parent, then you owe the animal(s) the best care you can possibly provide. It annoys me when I hear people complaining about having to take their dog to the vet and that it cost them a whole HUNDRED dollars or whatever. What did you think would happen if you got a pet? Sometimes a pet will get sick or hurt, or need daily medication, or some kind of special accommodation. Dogs in particular need training, daily exercise, they need to go outside several times a day, they need attention and decent food and toys to keep them occupied. If you aren't willing to provide all those things, then you shouldn't get a pet of your own.
I really do try to be a good pet parent. I do. But sometimes I'm negligent, and do stupid things like leave a whole stick of butter out in a place they can reach.
I'm not sure WHICH dog ate the butter, or if it was a joint effort. I'm hoping that they won't get diarrhea or start puking, but that might be wishful thinking. I will consider myself lucky if I don't wake up in the middle of the night to find shit everywhere. If it misses all carpet and fabrics entirely, I will jump with joy. (Unlikely, as both cats and dogs seem to strongly prefer expelling bodily fluids on soft surfaces.)
Worst case is that the dog(s) could get very sick from the butter... pancreatis. I don't think this will happen as they are both fairly large dogs, about 60 lbs, but you never know.
At least I'm lucky that it was an organic material, not something like equine de-wormer. I'm sick of giving the Animal Poison Control Hotline $60 per call.
Tomorrow I am returning to college after a six-year hiatus and I am not going to be happy if my beasts keep me up all my night with their butter shits.
I worry so much about my "kids" and they're "just dogs". I don't see how I could possibly handle being a parent of another human being.
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