WE ARE SAVED! (I think?)

The whole "debt ceiling" thing really aggravated me. To be honest, I didn't even read that much about it. I know enough to know that we are deep in debt and pretty much screwed and I just can't bring myself to care.

I think as I get older and more jaded, I am becoming more and more likely to get on a bandwagon with conspiracy theorists, because I think the whole thing was basically a big marketing ploy by the government to get people scared, and trick them into thinking that we are so lucky that we are still governed. Remember not that long ago, the government was threatening to shut down entirely because they couldn't agree on a budget? Does ANYONE remember that? And here we are again... Round 2: Debt Version.

Here's how I see it:

Citizens: Everything sucks! The economy sucks! The rich are getting richer, and us poor are getting poorer! The government is messing up bad! We're angry, we should, like, revolt or something!!!

Government: Yes, that's nice, feel free to write us a letter, or.... wait, what's this? Oh no! There is a big crisis! Like, wicked big! This debt ceiling thing is really bad!

Citizens: Um, what? Debt ceiling? What's wrong, is it leaking?

Government: It's super complicated! Only we can fix this. But it's a very difficult problem, so we are going to need to fight about it for a long time. We are going to yell a bunch about how we're trying to protect our constituents and keep the country from going bankrupt. It could happen, you know!

Citizens: Bankrupt? Yeah, I know things aren't good, but... tell me again, how does this debt roof thingy affect me?

Government: If us lawmakers, the leaders of the free world, don't come up with a BRILLIANT plan soon, everything is going to hell! The US will be bankrupt! The dollar will fall against other currencies and we won't be able to keep borrowing to fund everything. The government and economy will collapse! No more Social Security or disability or unemployment checks will go out because we'll be BROKE!

Citizens: Oh crap! Really?

Government: Yes, really.

Citizens: *panics* omg you mean I won't get my check? I need my check, man!

Government: We told you this was bad! We weren't kidding you, dude!

Citizens: OMFG. You gotta fix this! The government won't just abandon me... will it? Oh god, I was such a fool for joining that anarchy group! Government is really important! How are you guys going to fix this? FIX IT, PLEASE! Pretty pretty please!

Government: We'll try our best, kid. We're gonna shout at each really dramatically until our throats are hoarse. We're gonna burn the midnight oil. We're gonna step up to the plate and be the LEADERS you elected.

Citizens: Well golly gee, I sure hope so! I don't understand anything about this MAJOR CRISIS but I sure am scared!!

Government: *wiping sweat off brow* GREAT NEWS! We pulled it off. By god, we pulled it off, by the skin of our teeth. It's not perfect, of course, nothing ever is, right? But we saved the country from certain doom. AGAIN. You're welcome.

Citizens: Yay!!!!